Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

WAR OVER!!!

Posted: June 19, 2012 in Rants
Tags: , ,

I’m not saying I’m perfect.  I’m also not saying that I’m not.  I’m not not not saying that I’m not.  Good.  Now that’ I’ve got that all cleared up, lets get down to business. 

As I sit here listening to stolen MP3s on a computer that I purchased with a credit card I’ve since defaulted on; as I hail from a nation built on stolen land, slavery, oppression, and genocide, I wonder if things are not as they should be in the world.

What is the point of a military?  Well, let me tell you what it is today.  The military is a subculture built with the taxes, support, guilt, and pride of the main culture.  It is a career option.  We are no longer a nation who must gather (must + gather = muster*) to defend ourselves from an invading motherland and, when the fighting is done, return to our lives.  No; this is what many people do for a living.  That’s why you get the 25-year retired colonel who wonders why people in the real world don’t give him the same respect he had in the military. “Do you know who I am?!!!???”  “Yes.  You’re the guy making my sandwich.  I said ‘no onions.'”**

Do you realize that THIS IS LIFE AS WE KNOW IT?  Those of us living right now will NEVER, EVER, EVER wake up to a newspaper declaring “WAR OVER!” like our forefathers did.  Does that not make anyone else’s heart sink even just a little?  We will be aware of our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons & daughters ‘fighting’ here in the desert for as long as we live.  Or at least until the money runs out…

I have had many arguments with fellow soldiers about this.  Anytime there are budget cuts mentioned or, like several times over the last couple years, government shutdowns threatened, I hear the groans of my comrades.  Let me say; I am not selfless.  I know my goddamn place in this organization.  I am a mercenary – I am in the Army for a paycheck.  It seems many people act like soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines do this for free; there are military discounts, military appreciation, “this-n-that for the troops” organization.  It would seem that some in the public think that we’re all heroes and deserve respect.  If that were true, we wouldn’t have Fort Hood shootings, a suicide rate higher than the national average, guards dehumanizing prisoners at Abu Graib, or soldiers wandering off post and murdering a score of civilians.  Fuck; if it were even partly true, we wouldn’t need an un-necessarily complex uniform code of military justice system designed specifically to prosecute soldiers.

Let me, once and for all, clear this up: WE ARE ALL HERE FOR THE PAYCHECK – EVERY LAST ONE OF US.  I have not met one hero my whole 6 years of “service.”  I am ashamed at some of the things that come out of fellow soldiers’ mouths; things ranging from disappointment with a duty position that doesn’t allow them the satisfaction of killing people to opinions expressing opposition to certain presidential candidates that might reduce the size of the military; something that would threaten their (and my) job.  If I truly wish to serve my country, and cutting the budget – in part, the military budget – serves the nation by helping to relieve its debt crisis, what kind of anti-patriot must I be to prioritize my paycheck over that of the nation?  Why is so noble to be blown up along some dusty Afghan road in an IED blast but not to accept that the nation needs you to return to civilian life?  Why is noble to die for a cause but not live for the very same cause?

Fear.  That’s the problem.  Fear of being on the streets.  Fear of anonymity.  Army, since it is a career and entire sub-population at this point, at least provides a sense of security, worth, and identity.  This also explains why everyone who parts from the military desires as big of a disability paycheck as possible.  I’ve spoken with people who literally become giddy when they find out their hearing is worse because of the Army.  What kind of sick fucks are thankful for hearing loss, bad knees, or back problems?  I suppose it is very Zen to be thankful for everything, good or bad… 

I just wonder what my price is sometimes.  Will I say, “Fuck it; I’m gonna milk this bitch for all it’s worth.” Is it gonna be the Army that pisses me off?  Will it be the American way of life?  Will I succumb to the fear of joblessness and claim PTSD before I get out of the Army to ensure at least a pittance of income each month?  Fuck.

I enjoy the educational advantages of being in the military; and it pains me when I see young soldiers not taking full advantage of their chance to get “free” college.  No, of course; Facebook is more important. 

But there is still hope, I believe.

I think we will come to realize that we cannot be the world’s police.  This will, in turn, make us pull back and choose our wars with a bit more discrimination.  With the advent of the internet and technology, we can hear about global atrocities in seconds and minutes with HD pictures and video as proof.  We will come to realize that tyrants, rebellions, genocide, tribal wars, child slavery, hate crimes, assassinations, torture, and all sorts of malevolence are nothing new; that there was never a ‘peaceful time’ throughout all of history; there was just a technology gap that prevented the world from knowing about the Stalins, Maos, Hitlers, and Husseins of yesteryear to be common knowledge to both the rich and poor.  With our newfound wisdom, we will understand our place in the world a little better.  We will take care of the log in our own eye before we go on a worldwide splinter-extracting spree.  God bless the USA.  But first, change our hearts.

Sorry; I usually try to write humorous posts (not ‘humorous’ like fluid-filled; like comedic) but I was pissed this morning.  Righteously indignant, maybe.  Peace y’all.  Love each other.

*not the actual etymology of the word “muster.”

**I actually LOVE onions.

It’s pointless to play “I spy” when the answer to “I spy something… TAN!” invariably evokes the response, “EVERYTHING!!!” How about a little diversity, huh, Afhghanistan – IF that is your real name?

God this fucking place sucks. The people smell like curry and the curry smells like camel farts and the camel farts smell… well, surprisingly organic… but that’s not the point. The point is that the last five months have kicked my ass. Don’t worry; I’m not going to become another statistic; that’s far to gauche for my tastes. No. If I die it’s gonna be cool – like a standoff with the FBI while I stubbornly defend my crazy views on God and religion. My three followers will have, of course, already sacrificed themselves for my cause. I’ll take a bullet or two to the chest and as I lay dying I’ll grasp the hand of a dear loved one and declare my last wishes amid spasms of coughing up blood. At last I’ll give up the ghost half-way through a sentence (leaving my attendant wondering, “Orange who?” because inevitably, my last words will be a knock-knock joke).

As I’m looking down at my body that is currently pissing itself and loosing its bowels on the unsuspecting ground, I’ll wonder if it was all in vain. I’ll wonder if I did all I could have – or should have – for society or myself. I’ll ask myself if I lived a good life or a mediocre life. Hopefully I won’t dwell too long on these droll subjects; floating around outside my body is fucking AWESOME!

I think I’ll fly about for a while now and enjoy the wind in my… ghost hair?

BAM! With a title like that, how could you NOT read this article, right?  I apologize if your work computer has blocked my site.  If it hasn’t yet, I submit to your proxy server a picture of my penis:

Straight-up penis skin, baby! (not baby penis, despite it's size...)

You’d be surprised by some of the weird shit I Google.  Or not.  Whatever.  I’m not paid to surprise you so frankly, I could care less.  However, without fail I will wind up on someone’s blog and after reading the post, I will read the comments.  Occasionally the comments have useful feedback, corrections, anecdotes, testimonials, or even the phone number to a tranny down at Waikiki that said she’d meet me but didn’t because she thought I was a cop because I asked too many questions because I like to play danger safely and that cost me half a tank of gas BUT I DIGRESS…

Anyway, I was on a blog about some guy who shaves with extra virgin olive oil.  I was intrigued.  I’ve been looking for a way to simplify and revamp my hygiene regiment to be more organic and natural.  It was a good article.  But the comments made it great.  So, without further adieu…

Very good journey and experience!

Okay.  A little vague but perhaps still relevant…

nice share, good article, very usefull for me…thank you

Hmm.  Pretty vague AND a misspelled “useful?”

really appreciate YOU — thanks a lot!

Uh, stalker much?  Why the emphasis on “you?”

One again, your articles is very good.thank you!very much

Notice the punctuation and in particular, the punctuation in between “you” and “very.”  I mean, sometimes I type too fast and put one or two letters in the wrong order, but not entire concepts… Okay, sometimes I even put entire wrong order!concepts in the

Thanks for good information that comes out to read.

This is where it starts to get good.  I mean, was it necessary to write “that comes out to read?”  That’s like getting food at a restaurant and telling the waiter, “Thanks for the food that you gave me that I can eat.”  I guess if a majority of the food was burnt or spoiled, you may say it sarcastically…

A thing of beauty is a joy forever

This is not even… This has nothing to do with the article.  Plus the premise is flawed.  Even beautiful flowers die eventually.

Very inspiring place of levy.

Hmm.  I assume they meant to say “levity,” but instead I think perhaps they are trying to wage war?

In turn supplied by all the team is amazingly of usage expert all of us, Thanx to alllllll ….

I don’t even know about this one… When someone says “all,” they would elongate the “a” not the “ll.” This would look and sound weird.  Plus, who even elongates the word “all” anyway? I can’t think of a single instance where you would.  This is when I began to be suspicious…

This is the first time I comment on your site, but I’ve been keeping up with your work for a while now. I admire the passion with which you write the articles and dream that someday I can do the same. Love

Oooh! Whichever bot wrote this comment must have a human heart!!!

I like idea behind your post. I want to read more from you. Your thought process is unique and effective.

Thank you, fifth-grade teacher bot.  Your thought process, however, is commonplace and impotent.

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This one is my favorite: just look at all the syntax errors and mis-usage!!! Mmmm it’s creamy and delicious!  I mean, “I need to confess your data extended my sentiments…” PURE FUCKING GOLD.  I invite you to say this one out loud, with feeling.  It’ll tickle your chicken dick.

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Question: What are the ‘suggestions of your fingers?”

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Yo dawg, I heard you liked consideration.

Many thanks for developing the effort to discuss this, I feel strongly about this and like studying a great deal more on this subject. If feasible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating www.chrisinch.com having a great deal much more info? It is very beneficial for me.

This bot is REALLY into shaving with olive oil.  So much so that he is requesting updates as the author gains expertise.  With all the effort needed to be developed to discuss this, perhaps we’ll see a whole series of articles by this man providing us with a “great deal” more information on this endlessly (apparently) deep subject.  You know, if it’s feasable.

 I’m impressed of www.chrisinch.com , I need to say. Really not often do I encounter a blog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your concept is outstanding; the difficulty is one thing that not sufficient people are speaking intelligently about. I’m very blissful that I stumbled throughout this in my seek for something regarding this.

This man is apparently BLISSFUL about this.  I mean, a good clean shave is nice and all, I’ll admit, but this guy has got hit the nail IN the head.

ZOMG Okay, I had a blast “writing” this.  Well, copying and pasting. Well, pointing and clicking.  Damn.  Nothing is real, is it?

Peace, y’all!