I’ll Give You A Dollar If You Join My Cult…

Posted: June 12, 2012 in Don't Ever Read Ever, Humor, Music & Philosophy, Rants

It’s pointless to play “I spy” when the answer to “I spy something… TAN!” invariably evokes the response, “EVERYTHING!!!” How about a little diversity, huh, Afhghanistan – IF that is your real name?

God this fucking place sucks. The people smell like curry and the curry smells like camel farts and the camel farts smell… well, surprisingly organic… but that’s not the point. The point is that the last five months have kicked my ass. Don’t worry; I’m not going to become another statistic; that’s far to gauche for my tastes. No. If I die it’s gonna be cool – like a standoff with the FBI while I stubbornly defend my crazy views on God and religion. My three followers will have, of course, already sacrificed themselves for my cause. I’ll take a bullet or two to the chest and as I lay dying I’ll grasp the hand of a dear loved one and declare my last wishes amid spasms of coughing up blood. At last I’ll give up the ghost half-way through a sentence (leaving my attendant wondering, “Orange who?” because inevitably, my last words will be a knock-knock joke).

As I’m looking down at my body that is currently pissing itself and loosing its bowels on the unsuspecting ground, I’ll wonder if it was all in vain. I’ll wonder if I did all I could have – or should have – for society or myself. I’ll ask myself if I lived a good life or a mediocre life. Hopefully I won’t dwell too long on these droll subjects; floating around outside my body is fucking AWESOME!

I think I’ll fly about for a while now and enjoy the wind in my… ghost hair?


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