Just a reflection…

Posted: November 24, 2010 in Waxing Philosophical

It must be a time of renewal.

My friend Anthony, a wiccan, mentioned this to me about a month and a half ago; how Halloween is like a rebirth (something about its traditional significance).  If you would have asked me a week ago I would have said ‘poppycock’ (or hogwash, poppywash, or hogcock… wait…) because I slept at least 14 hours a day and had no motivation to even get up, save for the fact my paycheck and as-yet non-imprisonment depended on it.

But as of about 1600 yesterday, all was right with with the world.  I have no idea what happened or why I suddenly ‘perked up.’ It’s completely inexplicable.  Even though I got very little sleep last night, I was lying awake looking at my painting (the one that has the naked guy) completely transfixed by the human figure.  I imagined myself drawing the shapes of bodies and body parts in all sorts of positions.  Then I thought how I would need to have a good understanding of musculature in order to make everything look right and proportional… This, I’m sure is what Michaelangelo and DaVinci studied for years in order to have such masterful command of figure painting and sculpting.

I was a late bloomer when it came to puberty and I’m sure I’m going to be a late bloomer when it comes to other endeavors.  I must be ready for things – I must discover and foster an interest and appreciation in matters before I can truly learn about them.  Hell, I only recently took an interest in history, and didn’t really get into literature until I was about 24 or so. 

I think I’ve been given the gift of patience.  I believe that’s my ‘talent,’ not music, art, or intellect.  Without patience, I would have given up on many things and probably not made it through nursing school or taken the time to read some of the books that have changed my life. 

So I guess I’m willing to be a 28 or even 45 year old art student.  I’m willing to be a 60 year old musician.  I’m willing to never achieve greatness.  Even though some of my favorite music is written by people much younger than me, I don’t need to feel rushed.  Like the quote in my last post said, it’s not my right to determine the worth of what I create.  Hell; I don’t even have to like it.  I just need to create it and keep an open channel for the universe to express its wonders through me; because when will it ever get the chance again?

J

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